Denial / Beyonce

I tried to change, closed my mouth more.

Tried to be soft, prettier.

Less awake.

Fasted for sixty days.

Wore white

Abstained from mirrors.

Abstained from sex.

Slowly did not speak another word.

In that time my hair grew past my ankles.

I slept on a matt on the floor.

I swallowed a sword.

I levitated into the basement, confessed my sins and was baptised in a river.

Got on my knees and said, “Amen.”

And said I mean I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet.

I threw myself into a volcano.

I drank the blood and drank the wine.

I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God.

I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil.

I grew thickened skin on my feet.

I bathed in bleach and plugged my menses with pages from the Holy Book.

But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know.

Are you cheating? Are you cheating on me?

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waste / victoria howell

What a waste to spend your life trying to be someone else.

What a waste to never embrace your organic self.

How sad to never fully appreciate the astounding individual that you are.

How sad to spend your time chasing the dreams of someone else.

How useless to repeat the path of those around

to become a copy

a shadow.

To bring the same outcome to the table.

To never bless the world with your own findings.

For the love of God

please do not become less of yourself

for what you believe is more.

 

Jealousy

And yet my jealousy arises,

when there’s nothing to envy at all.

To know I don’t need to prove myself,

is the best validation of all.

But here I witness achievements,

I don’t even want to possess,

yet my mind deceives me into believing,

that all I have is less.