I tried to change, closed my mouth more.
Tried to be soft, prettier.
Fasted for sixty days.
Abstained from mirrors.
Abstained from sex.
Slowly did not speak another word.
In that time my hair grew past my ankles.
I slept on a matt on the floor.
I swallowed a sword.
I levitated into the basement, confessed my sins and was baptised in a river.
Got on my knees and said, “Amen.”
And said I mean I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet.
I threw myself into a volcano.
I drank the blood and drank the wine.
I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God.
I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil.
I grew thickened skin on my feet.
I bathed in bleach and plugged my menses with pages from the Holy Book.
But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know.
Are you cheating? Are you cheating on me?