‘Nothing is as empowering as finding your identity as an individual’
Backpacking around Asia, late night road trips with friends, spending Christmas with family, taking last minute holidays abroad, becoming so incredibly intoxicated that you cannot remember a thing the next day, dancing like no one is watching, performing yoga outside on a summer morning, tasting a perfectly ripe mango, taking an afternoon hike in the sun and perfecting your favoruite chocolate cake recipe.
Here i’ve listed several activities that make us humans happy. Activities that can and should be completed outside of a relationship. Activities that empower you as an individual and help you to learn what you do and don’t like. By doing this, it will help you to learn every intricate detail about yourself; be it what you love, what you hate, what music you really want to listen to, what you actually want to write about and what clothes you deep down want to wear. By doing these things whilst being single, you are able to create your own identity individually.
Life does not revolve around love. I’m sorry to crush your dreams, but, there a million more things that make up our existance. Romance, relationships, affection and love are just small aspects that add up to who and what we are. As individuals we can choose what we wish to prioritise, and as a nineteen year old with not much relationship or life experience, but of whom likes to think of herself as wise for her age, I highly reccommend you don’t do this. At least when you are young.
Here is a diagram of some of the things that help make you, you. You see your love life on there? No. Because there are so many more important factors.
I know that everyone says it, but they say it for a reason – spend your young years focusing on yourself. You are moulding into the amazing uniqueness that you are. Why be moulded by someone else? Especially if they’re toxic. You are too young to be wasting your days missing events to sit indoors crying about him, asking why you werent enough and stating that you’re never going to find anyone better. That’s bollocks. Instead, walk out that front door and create enough memories to wash out that negativity. Learn about the world, learn about you and fall in love with yourself.
There is nothing else that makes you feel as content as being completely and unapologetically yourself. It delivers you a happiness I cannot explain. When you are in a relationship, at least in my experience, you want to be what they want. Yes, they fell in love with you, but as you grow as an individual, you change. Being committed to someone prevents you from being able to freely change yourself without potential consequences. You want to scrap your accountancy dream and become a art therapist in Berlin? You want to cut your hair shoulder length and dye it blue? You want to change friends groups, become vegan, dress gothic or get a cat? When you are with someone, or trying to impress someone, you usually can’t just snap your fingers and do these things. What if he doesnt like it? What if he no longer finds me attractive? These are the questions that will come to mind. But let me tell you the answer: WHO CARES!
I can promise you that the reward of doing what you want to do, and making yourself happy, is ten times greater than the reward of dismissing these dreams and instead doing what you think he likes.
Spend new years in a different country and kiss a complete stranger at midnight, spend your Christmas money on concert tickets for you and your best friend’s favourite musician, and spend your birthday doing something with friends that you were too drunk to remember. Use your spare time discovering a sport you enjoy or find out what you’re best at drawing. Go and buy what ever clothes you want. Would your ex have found that shirt too bold? Then get it. The empowerment you will feel when simply walking around wearing what you like without giving a damn if it’s flattering or attractive is extraordinary. Spend you free time writing poetry, making music, coming up with your own theories. Do whatever the hell you want without taking anyone elses’ disapproval or opinion into consideration.
Create your own identity
Correct, doing these fun things may not look as picture perfect as the image above. The majority of people don’t have the money or free time to fly to california and have a month off of work travelling in an old truck with friends, but you don’t have to do these exact things to be happy and single. You must have heard the saying; ‘It’s not where you are, but who you’re with‘. My friends became my family. I confided in them instead of a partner. They gave me incredible advice and really did have my best intentions at heart. We went out driving around until 3am almost every night, smoked illegal substances and danced around a field in broad daylight. We went out clubbing and danced until we couldn’t anymore and we laughed until our stomachs hurt. I hardly had time to dwell, and when I did, they picked me back up, hugged me, and reminded me of how awesome I am. These are some of the best times i’ve ever had, all while going through a break up.
Now, you are a single, gorgeous individual who needs to get out there and find themselves. They most definately don’t need no relationship to make them happy. Go and show ’em what you’re made of.
Throw this playlist on and get yourself outside in the sun for a run, jump in your car for a night time drive, or simply tap along whilst sitting on bed doodling – feel empowered because you are an awesome individual with a great identity.
You got this.